Somewhere along the line someone in every family picks up the title of ‘family historian’ and begins the adventure of discovering blood-related ancestors reaching back centuries. But this endeavor can be challenging for adoptees.
One adoptee’s journey of discovery
Jan, who was adopted, had grown up in a family with much love; it was never a thought to seek out his birth family. That changed as he approached his 80th birthday, when simple curiosity seeped in and knowledge of his birth family became a mystery he wanted to solve.
As is often the case, Jan’s birth certificate provided little helpful information. So he dove into the world of DNA and took a test through Ancestry.com. Though he had a close match, he had no idea what to do with it. Not being familiar with Internet searching, his research attempts were continually met with roadblocks that he could not figure out how to resolve.
Discovering one’s birth family can be a daunting task. For most adoptees who are around Jan’s age, the search is complicated by the numerous websites, changes in laws surrounding adoptions, and understanding how to connect the DNA matches.
For example, Jan found a website based in the state he was born that allowed users to pay an annual fee to be placed on a list of adoptees looking for their birth families. While it was simply a place where subscribers could post their information so that adoptees and birth parents could meet if they were subscribers as well, Jan thought the owner of the site was working to discover who his birth parents were.
Not knowing how to navigate the options available can be discouraging, especially since the way adoptions were handled in the past complicates the undertaking.
Until recently, adoptees were prevented from knowing who their birth parents were, and were kept from any information which might identify them or the circumstances surrounding the situation which led them to give up their child. While anonymity was often the wish of the birth parents, there are known situations where the birth parents were not given a choice. This type of precedent was described in Gabrielle Glaser’s book American Baby: A Mother, A Child, and the Secret History of Adoption, which details the true story of David Rosenberg, and provides information about the laws and operations of adoption agencies in the 20th century.
While some individuals used adoption agencies, many adoptions took place through a lawyer directly for the birth parents—but in either case, many wished to remain nameless. The explosion of DNA matching changed that.
Following the genetic clues
With the use of DNA in genealogy, exploration of biological connections on sites such as Ancestry.com has made discovery of living birth parents, siblings, and cousins easier. Nevertheless, how to make sense of centimorgans (cM), percentage of shared DNA, and weeding through the options of how an individual is related can be overwhelming.
In Jan’s situation, there were six matches designated as first- or second-cousins. The closest match was 614cM across 27 segments with nine-percent shared DNA. Ancestry suggested that there was a 51-percent chance that this match was a first-cousin, a great-grandparent, a great-grandchild, a grand-aunt, a grand-niece, a half-aunt, or a half-niece. Several of the suggestions were eliminated based on the age of the individual in relation to Jan.
With such a close match, the next step was to view the family tree of this match, which could be instrumental in resolving how she and Jan were related. Each suggested relationship was then fleshed out to determine which was the most plausible. As each relationship was considered—along with the study of connecting family trees of other related individuals—a potential birth mother and father was identified for further exploration.
As the results solidified, the story of Jan’s birth family came to life. Though Jan’s birth parents were married at the time of his birth, they divorced just three months after he was born. While it is unknown why Jan was put up for adoption, he was quickly adopted by a young married couple.
Unfortunately, his adoptive mother became ill shortly after, and died before Jan ever knew her. In the1940 census, Jan was found living with his widowed adoptive father and grandfather. Subsequently, Jan’s adoptive father remarried and two daughters were born before they relocated to New York. This was the family Jan grew up in and loved. Eighty years hence, he was investigating his other family, and with the study of documents and DNA matches resulting in clarity of how the living relatives were connected, he wanted to meet them.
Connecting with an adoptive family
Contacting living relatives can be a delicate undertaking which is often best conducted by a third party in the event that the birth family does not want to connect. If approached indirectly, it provides a comfortable way for them to turn down the opportunity.
In Jan’s case, it was discovered that his biological father had died in 1951, and his birth mother passed away in 1995. It is unknown what a reunion with them would have been like. Typically, there are greater expectations and desire to unite on the part of the adoptee who has been searching than the birth parents.
Jan was fortunate that his birth family was excited about meeting him. So, not long after he turned 80, Jan met with them in Florida while on vacation. The photo he shared speaks of the joy of their meeting. Jan’s response to that meeting was “like finding a new family” whom he had been missing. Since that meeting, Jan has stayed in touch with his “new” family and asked me to share his story to encourage and inspire other adoptees looking for their birth family.
With the continual release of available documents and the opening of adoption records (which were once kept under lock and key), along with the continued improvement of DNA results connecting matching relations, opportunities are arising that make it easier to successfully discover birth parents and blood relatives—and hence, to put one’s life story together. My client Jan’s journey to discover his birth story proves that it is never too late to solve an adoption mystery, even at 80 years old.
Lorraine Arnold, based in New Jersey, is founder of Legacy Roots LLC, where she uses decades of genealogy experience to resolve complex family histories and discover adoptees’ birth families worldwide.