If your parent was a Holocaust survivor, you may feel a deep sense of responsibility for preserving their story for the generations to come—but sit down to put words on a page and you feel overwhelmed. Maybe your mom didn’t talk about her past and there is a veil of secrecy surrounding her story. Or your father spoke about his past frequently, but now the details elude you. (Cut yourself a break—this was a difficult story to take in as a child.) Perhaps your mother didn’t consider herself a Holocaust survivor even though she was in hiding or fled her home and country (according to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, your mother is a Holocaust survivor).
And yet, many elements of your parent’s story are right at your fingertips. When I ask children of survivors to recall when they found out about their parent’s Holocaust experiences, I usually hear, “I don’t remember being told. I just knew.” This story is part of the fabric of your life, likely playing a formative role in who you are and choices you’ve made. This is not only their story, but it is yours, too. And it’s a story that requires the perspective and efforts of more than one generation to get it all down.
Follow these three steps to start preserving your family’s Holocaust story today.
Step 1: Begin with your parent’s postwar life.
(approximately 30 minutes)
You are a witness to an important time in your family’s life, the rebuilding that took place after the Holocaust. Capturing the story of this time period enables you to name all the things your parent built after the war such as a new language, home, family, friends, community, professional life, and signature character traits that enabled them to form their new life. You saw what they created from nothing. Yes, there was lasting pain from the trauma that may have brought frustration, sadness, and confusion to your family’s life. And there were times of celebration, gratitude, hope, pride, humor, and love. You are uniquely suited to bring this postwar perspective to your family story.
Here’s how:
Make a list. (2 minutes) Take out a piece of paper or open a document on your computer. Write “What Was Built Postwar” at the top of the page. Jot everything you can think of that your parent built after the war. Don’t censor yourself; write anything that comes to mind and stop after two minutes (be sure to set a timer!). Here are some general categories to help you locate specific memories:
family: marriage, children, traditions, holidays, meals, family friends, love
home: personal items, property, stability, safety, comfort, food
community: particular places, belonging, charitable, social/hobby groups
professional: a business, career, financial security, reputation, purpose, confidence
religion: life cycle celebrations, connection, leadership, an organization
character: humor, love of learning, optimism, hope, perseverance
Work with one memory. (5 minutes) Select one memory from your list that feels easy to explore. Go to a clean page and jot down whatever comes to mind about this memory for five minutes. Take notes on whatever is in your mind. You can cross things out later.
Type your jotting. (20 minutes) Go to your computer and type up your notes for 20 minutes, adding more thoughts as you go along. Limit this writing to two pages, double-spaced. Don’t explain what came before or after your memory, just write it as if you were telling a close friend. Add sensory words wherever you can: Describe what it looked, smelled, tasted, felt, or sounded like.
Stopping after 20 minutes creates cognitive tension (known as the Zeigarnik Effect) that gets your subconscious brain working on your story for you. As you go about your life, you’ll notice thoughts surfacing about your family. When that happens, capture those thoughts on paper or your phone right away. They are important! Return to your writing another day, spending no more than 20 minutes at a time, and add your additional thoughts, continuing to write if you have more to say.
Step 2 : Access your family’s prewar life.
(approximately 30 minutes)
Write about your family’s prewar life to understand, as best as you are able, what your parent’s life was like before the war—before they were a “survivor.” The smallest memory that was shared with you can provide an entry point.
If you come up blank, write what you know about the place your family is from, then do a little research to learn more using this list of Jewish family history resources. You can also use the Ancestry.com Jewish family history collection (which is free), which includes Eastern European records from the Miriam Weiner Routes to Roots Foundation, records from JewishGen, and interviews by the USC Shoah Foundation (if your parent did a video interview, you can find it here).
Here’s how:
Make a list. (2 minutes) Write “Prewar” at the top of the page and, using the same jotting approach you used with the postwar writing above, spend two minutes making a list of tangible and intangible things your family had before the war—from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to a sense of roots, health history, innocence, freedom, and security.
Work with one memory. (5 minutes) Select one item to jot about or pick one of the sentence starters below. Jot for five minutes in the same manner as the postwar activity.
They lived in a small village called… OR The family had a large apartment in the heart of the city…
The family had a business… OR He was studying to be a….
On holidays she enjoyed…. OR Every Friday night the family gathered…
They were the only Jews in the town… OR The family was part of a vibrant Jewish community…
I went to my father’s town… OR My family history didn’t get passed down to me and that makes me feel…
Type your jotting. (20 minutes) Type up your notes with the -two-page limit following the guidance above for the postwar writing.
Step 3: Capture your parent’s wartime experiences.
(approximately 30 minutes)
Your parent may not have been able to put language to his or her Holocaust experiences, but perhaps you can. By creating a narrative of this difficult story, you name the pain that the family is carrying.
Here’s how:
Jot about one memory. (5 minutes) Seek to enter the mindset of your family member during this time. Jot your thoughts using one of the focusing questions below, or write one of your own.
The family thought they would be safe because [he served during WW1/they were respected members of the community/other reason]…
One night there was a knock on the door/They came home to find their apartment in shambles…
The family decided it was time to hide…
They entered the ghetto…
He stepped onto a crowded boxcar…
It was the last time he saw his mother…
They sent her on a march in the freezing cold with no shoes…
Type your jotting. (20 minutes) As above, type up to 2 pages about your parent’s wartime experiences.
If you struggle to fill in the details, write down every question you have to help you get clear on what you’d like to know. Consider whether there is a family member or friend you can interview (this article may give you some ideas). For example, if you’ve gathered for an extended family Passover, maybe someone who was there can shine some light. Record your conversation using a recording app. For no cost, you can record an in-person interview with Rev.com (or a phone call with Rev Call Recorder). After your interview, you can forward the audio file to Rev.com and receive a transcript of your interview within 24 hours (for a cost).
All of this may feel very challenging. But remember, spending a little time writing down anything you know about the generations that came before will provide your children with a family history that can be passed along for generations to come.
Jill Sarkozi, founder of Westchester–based Safekeeping Stories, helps individuals and small groups save their family stories with a practical, easy-to-use method.