Honoring the lives of those who have passed on has become not only a particular passion of mine, but it has grown into a specialty over the years. I began my company, Modern Heirloom Books, after I had made a one-off tribute honoring my own mother after she died; writing the stories, curating photos of her (and us), and spending time with my memories of her—well, not only was it a healing process for me, but it turned out to be something plenty of other people hoped to create in remembrance of their loved ones.
And so, over the years I have had the privilege of getting to know many wonderful souls whose loved ones never want to forget them. I have helped living relatives honor their lost loved ones by helping them capture their memories, write stories that embody their family members’ personalities, and create lasting tribute books.
I've also advised countless others who don't want to outsource this very intimate project, or who can't afford to hire a professional to help them. With that in mind, here are a few best practices and tips for creating the best tribute book as a lasting memorial to your lost loved one.
Basic steps to creating a tribute memory book
1. Consider who will contribute.
Sometimes one person writes a tribute in honor of their loved one (the way I did when remembering my mother). Other times a group of friends and family are invited to share their contributions about someone after they have died (this is the most common type of book I create with my clients). Make a list of everyone who might want to participate, then determine how you will invite them to send their stories. You can have a dedicated email address for receiving stories and images; or create a private web page or Dropbox folder for people to easily upload their materials, for instance. It's handy to have a checklist of all contributors (I create this in a Google spreadsheet) so you can check each person off as their files come to you.
2. Gather photos of your loved one.
Especially when a loss is new, our instinct can be to include every photo of your loved one in your tribute. However, curating your photos will make for a better portrait of them: Choose images that convey their most enduring traits, that capture happy times or vivid moments from their life; and that illustrate stories you plan to write about them. Include photos from different stages of their life—from childhood through old age—so you show their personality and experiences but do not overwhelm a reader. The pictures should complement the stories, not detract from them. Technical tip: Source only high-resolution images—that means 300 dpi for print—and have print photos professionally scanned (it's worth going the extra mile here else risk being disappointed with your final book).
3. Capture stories about your loved one.
It's time to start writing, and to send those invitations out inviting others to contribute, too (see Step No. 1 above). You may want to consult a list of questions designed to prompt memories of those who have died, or consider using a few of the photos you gathered to stir your memories. Another foolproof way to get your stories flowing: Converse with a mutual friend or family member about the deceased. One story will remind you of another, and you'll undoubtedly be inspired—so either hit "record" during your conversation or have a laptop or notebook handy to write immediately afterwards.
4. Put it all together in a book.
In professional bookmaking parlance, we call this the production part of your project: editing, designing, and producing print-ready files; sourcing and working with a printer; and ensuring quality along the way. There are some DIY options out there—scrapbooking and the free software Bookwright among them—and I encourage you to give this a go if you have some creative experience and are a solid project manager. Remember, though: No one expects you to become a pro at this overnight, and there's a lot to juggle to put a tribute book such as this together; so consider hiring a pro for this step to make your life easier (and to ensure you are thrilled with the book that is ultimately created).
5. Bonus tip: Set deadlines for each step!
Without deadlines, I doubt your project will get finished. If you are creating this tribute to be given out at a memorial service or celebration of life event, then your deadlines are clear—work backwards from the date the books (or other media) are needed. But even if you don't have an event to work towards, specify artificial deadlines. Choose a period of time in your schedule that seems feasible, then really commit. Write down your due dates and set reminders for yourself. Doing so will not only lend your project a sense of urgency, it will give you a way to stay accountable—and ultimately get everything done!
Best ways to honor the deceased through storytelling
When it comes to writing about someone we loved who is no longer with us, many people feel daunted by the enormity of the task: How can I truly bring this person's spirit to life? What if I forget something important? What if I am not a good writer?
You must set such worries aside and focus on being real. Grab a piece of paper and jot down notes that include:
your best memories of times spent together
favorite traits about your loved one
funny things they said or did (yes, it's okay—even good!—to be funny)
what you will miss most about them
how they made you feel
Write the way you speak and I guarantee your story will turn out beautifully. (If the notion of writing truly paralyzes you, use the voice recorder app on your smart phone to talk about your memories, then you can transcribe it later.) Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and use the list you brainstormed above to inform the tribute you are writing.
Find more tips about how to best capture memories of your lost loved one in a tribute book, including specifics about editing and designing as well as choosing the right printer.
Good luck with this most meaningful project, and congratulations on taking the first step to memorializing your loved one’s legacy.
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Dawn Roode, a personal historian based in northern New Jersey, helps individuals, families, and family-run businesses preserve their legacies in bespoke coffee table books.